Joke of the Week

Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:46 pm

hahaha....where do you find these mon ? good stuff cheeky

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:23 pm

A biker was riding along a California highway when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take!

It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my girlfriend.

I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:20 pm

Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:21 pm

A female al-queda terrorist was found dead today in her bathroom. Police believe she got her

anthrax mixed up with her tampax and blew up the wrong cunt

Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 5:58 pm

hahaha very good love it.

Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 7:36 pm

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said

"morning."

He replied,

"No, just having a shit."

Posted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:24 pm

LMAO thats awesome

Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:49 pm

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.

'Kevin, it's the Health Minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Sydney has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week'!

PM: 'Shit! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!'

Health Minister: 'We're going to have to ship some in from Britain?'

PM: 'No chance! The Poms will have a field day on this one!!'

Health Minister: 'What about New Zealand?'

PM: 'Ok, you call John Key - tell him we need ten million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick! That way they'll continue to respect the Wallabies!'

Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes.

He finds ten million condoms;10 inches long; 3 inches thick, all coloured black and white, with a silver fern printed on each one and embossed withâ€¦..

MADE IN NEW ZEALAND
SIZE: Small

Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:18 pm

hahahahaha very good although totally uncalled for lol

Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:27 pm

Only an Aussie man can
make you feel like a woman

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried.

Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!

Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.

No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped...

Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:17 am

hahaaha yeh that would be right....

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:42 pm

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted,

"Oi, what's your disability?"
I said,

"Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:44 pm

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said,

"Because I'm trying to examine you!"

Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:07 pm

hahahahaha that is gold

Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:11 pm

This simple test evaluates your natural tendencies by predicting your all time most watched film - mine was Star Wars.

Try the test without looking at the titles of the movies - it works

Pick a number from 1-9,

then multiply it by 3,

Add 3,

then multiply by 3 again.

You'll get your answer by adding the 2 digits together to find your all time favourite film,

Scroll down the list

1. Gone with the Wind

2. Aliens

3. Oliver

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. Saving Private Ryan

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Goats & Leather Clad Gay Boys.

10. Mary Poppins

Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:21 am

After having a very pleasant 69 with his girlfriend, George remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid the Dentist would notice the smell of fanny on his breath, so he brushed his teeth, used dental floss, and also used a whole bottle of Listerine. As he arrived at the Dentist he also ate a whole packet of extra strong mints.

His turn came up and the Dentist told him to take a seat in the chair. Feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The Dentist got close and asked "So, you had a 69 before you came here eh?"

George exasperated asked "How did you know? Does my breath still smell like fanny?"

The Dentist replied " No...you have a skid mark on your forehead..........."

Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:57 pm

A New Zealander is drinking in a Brisbane bar when he gets a call
on his mobile phone.
He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for
everyone in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a
typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
Kiwi just shrugs, 'That's about average in New Zealand , fellas...like
I said, my boy is a typical Kiwi baby boy..'
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of
'WOW'! Were heard.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar.
The bartender says, ' Hey, you're the father of that typical Kiwi baby
that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big
he'd be in two weeks.
We were going to call you; so how much does he weigh now?'
The proud father answers, ' 19 pounds.'
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. 'What happened? He already weighed
25 pounds the day he was born.'
The Kiwi father takes a slow swig from his pint wipes his lips on his
shirt sleeve, leans into the bar and proudly says, 'Had him circumcised'.